Canadian Idol!

This was a semi-requested-but-totally-not-really Mr. Goose. Enjoy!

Episode 5: Americ--er, Canadian Idol!

Mr. Goose broke free from the chains of the invincible cage door. How? No one knows.
He hobbled down the cobblestone street and kicked up and flew into the air. From the air, he saw a familiar place: Hollywood, California. He swooped down and decided to possibly try to find a star. As he landed, he landed in a giant line filled with boys and girls alike, around the average age of eighteen or nineteen.
"Honk?" Mr. Goose said. He had no earthly idea what this line was for. But a girl, by the name of Sara Banks, did. She saw Mr. Goose and immediately became infatuated and fawned over him.
"Aw! Lookie here! It's a Canadian Goose! Aw, he's adorable!" she picked him up in her arms and carried him into the studio. She recieved a number and waltzed into the room. Mr. Goose was in awe of what he saw next. There was Paula Abdul, Randy Jackson, and Simon Cowell, RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM!
"Now, what's your name?" Simon asked nonchantly. Everyone knew he doesn't really care, but he had to ask for the show purposes.
"Hi, I'm Sara Banks!" Sara said with an immediate smile and walked over to the judges and gave each of them a warm handshake. They were all a little weirded out by Mr. Goose.
"I'm going to sing a little song I happen to love. 'Twinkle, twinkle little star, how I wonder what you areeeee! Up ab--,'" she was stopped by Simon's hand.
"Look, that was probably one of the most wretched performances EVER. I've heard better noises come from a sasquatch. I bet you the duck could sing better than you," Simon said in his harsh British accent.
"FINE! And he's a GOOSE, punk!" Sara yelled, and dropped Mr. Goose and ran away crying.
"Aw, Simon! You made the poor girl drop her pet! Sara!" Paula yelled. She didn't come back. All three of them sighed in unison.
Well, if Sara couldn't get in, maybe I can for her! Mr. Goose thought positively.
"Honk honk quack honk, honk quack honk quack quack quack!" he began singing a rendition of "Everything Will Be Alright" by The Killers. Paula quickly turned around, Simon's jaw dropped and Randy just had bug eyes.
Mr. Goose finished the song, all five minutes of it, and Simon never once stopped him. At the end, they were all crying from the beauty.
"I have never heard anything so beautiful, so wonderful, so amazing, in all my life," Simon said through tears.
"Dawg, that wasn't tight. That was incredible, you have this song volume that's just amazing," Randy said still in awe.
Paula said nothing, grabbed a golden ticket, and handed it to him. Mr. Goose promptly ripped it up.
"NO!" all three judges screamed. See, if you rip up a golden ticket, the earth becomes shattered and anything and everything will happen.
Suddenly, the Kool-Aid man jumped through and burst open the wall.
"OH, YEAH!" he screamed. The judges screeched in horror and ran out and all of the contestants ran for their lives, seeing as they didn't want to be killed by a giant jug of soft drink. Mr. Goose just sat quietly and slept in his new golden nest.

The NEW iPod

http://www.walyou.com/blog/2009/03/05/edible-gadgets-ipod-icepod/
IcePod.
It looks delicious.
:D
I would totally eat it.

And I feel that since it's the early middle of March I owe you a Mr. Goose. So:
Episode 4: Musical Goose

Mr. Goose swooped into a new town. He had always loved visiting other towns, and now that Spring was warming up, he was as excited as ever. He honked in joy as he landed on the cobblestone road below him. Suddenly, the town that was just chattering was now a-hush. People looked at him like some sort of monster. Their eyes were wide and then as short as it took to get quiet, people were running and screaming to get into houses. Then a carriage came up the road.
"Honk?" Mr. Goose asked. Then suddenly, men wearing all black and sunglasses sweeped him off his feet. They slammed him into the carriage and CRACK! went the whip that made the horses go. They neighed and then as soon as they went, they went off like a rocket. In no time, they were at their destination, which was an old Victorian style castle. They carried Mr. Goose into the castle abruptly and sat him in front of a throne. In the throne was a man around the age of fifty five, who was wearing jewels and a fancy crown.
"GOOSE!" he bellowed so loudly that it echoed around the room, "You have to prove yourself before you become my meal." Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. Prove myself so I won't be your meal? Uh-uh. Not happening bub, Mr. Goose thought. No WAY was he becoming a king's feast. So, he did the only thing he knew how. He sang.
"Honk honk, quack honk honk honk quack honk, quack quack honk, quack honkkkk! Quack honk, quack honk, honk honk quack quack, quack honk quack quack honkkkkkkkkkkk!" he sang a-capella. The king was so touched, the performance ACTUALLY brought a tear to his eye. "Wonderful!" he said, "Splendid!" Mr. Goose was walking toward the door, when one of the guys who brought him there slammed him into a crate and shipped the crate off: to Europe.

Mr. Goose #3

I haven't done a Mr. Goose in like a week or two, so I might as well.

Episode 3: They Can Take, Take, Take the Kids from the Summer but They'll Never, Never, Never Take the Summer from the Goose!

Mr. Goose was getting bored of all the cold weather of Winter. What's the use of Winter? All his friends get killed for Winter meals and what-not. Also, all his favorite ponds were frozen over so he could never hang out on them. Another negative would be all the kids were too cold to come out and play, so he could never get a bit of a snack. Also, he had to move away from his home cuz it was too cold. All in all, Winter was an epic fail.
Mr. Goose then decided to make an anti-Winter machine. He put in all sorts of things: old pieces of grass, newspaper lying around, a fallen tree branch, a dried leaf, anything. Eventually, he got some sort of system of knobs and turns and stuff to work. He turned it all around and then the machine, for being a thing made out of nothing, sputtered. IT ACTUALLY SPUTTERED! Mr. Goose honked in delight, until, you know, it caught on fire. As strange as it may seem, he was a pyro.
"Honkkkkk," he whispered, which roughly translated to "Fireeeeee." He waddled over to it, then put his tail feather near it. It exploded into wicked bright orange flames. "HONK!" he screamed, not realizing the pain. He flew threw the air, and it burned out. He would never touch fire again, no matter how pretty.

It's Hard to Argue When You Won't Stop Making Sense

Hey. Listening to Snow Patrol (hence the title) right now. I'm a little bored, a little tired, and a little hungry. But that's life. And sometimes life can be an epic fail.
I get to go my g-parents this weekend (doesn't it seem like I'm ALWAYS there? Ha ha.) yippee.
I get to see 3 of my cousins, my aunt, and uncle. We're delivering Girl Scout Cookies! Yummy.
So, might as well give a little bit of advice to the people, in the form of a Mr. Goose Episode.

#2: Love on the Lake (NOT!)

Mr. Goose landed on a pole after his epic scary sadistic child attack. He panted then saw a lovely little swan on the lake below.
"Why, hello there," he thought. He swooped down and honked and quacked until he tried to get her attention. Attempt one= fail.
He tried again. Attempt two= fail.
And again. Attempt three= EPIC fail.
Finally, she DID turn around. And she wasn't a swan.
She was a piece of cardboard.
"BY GOD, WE GOT ONE!" someone shouted. Huh, Mr. Goose thought. Then the net hit.
"HONK HONK QUACKY HONKY QUACK HONK!" he screamed at the top of his goose lungs. It was no use. They didn't care. Then he heard whispers.
"It's a GOOSE. From CANADA." one whispered.
The other whispered "Canada? SERIOUSLY?"
The first whispered "And goose-like. Pitieous."
The second whispered "Well, we CAN just eat him..." and while they were talking, Mr. Goose bit his way through the net.
"HONK QUACK!" he yelled, roughly translating to "See ya suckers!"
Then he flew away.

Well, it's been a while since I saw you.. (Mr. Goose #1!).

Hey! It, indeed, has been a while. I know I have to do the Mr. Goose Episode #1 but I'll do that in a second! First things first: listen to Jack's Mannequin. NOW. Okay, now we can start!

Episode 1: I only wanted a bit of food...

Mr. Goose really only wanted some food. Not a lot, just a small treat, or something to satisfy the mood. Then he saw them: the fingers.
Little children's fingers. The owners were no more than age four and well, Mr. Goose was so lovable, that he decided to see the children and maybe get a small snack.
"Quack quack quack!" he honked. The children gasped and stared.
"DUCKY!!" they screeched. Mr. Goose was used to be called a duck, even though he was a Canadian goose, so he didn't really mind much. He honked once more and the kids giggled. Then they attacked.
Their playful shrieks were like the devil himself cackling. It was HORRIBLE. They tugged on his feathers and everything. Who knew little kids were so ABUSIVE. Then he saw the hand and remembered his goal. He honked once more, and then attacked.
Now an adult jumped him. Is this my day or what, he thought sarcastically.
"NOT MY KIDS TODAY YOU GIANT FEATHERY BEAST! HE-YAH!" they said thrashing and bashing. Mr. Goose honked and tried to wriggle out of their grip but it was no use. The kids shrieked in joy that their parent was killing the poor goose. How sadistic. Mr. Goose finally was let go and flew away to a new location.
And all that for just a nibble of finger.

The Goose In the Barnyard! (Mr. Goose Teaser)

Hey all you campers! Are you ready to meet the super incredible...totally shredible...surprisingly edible...really un-pettable...he will bite your fingers off if letable...MR. GOOSE, THE CANADIAN UNDERDOG! Starring in his new blog series, Mr. Goose will attempt new missions, near fatal attacks, and trying to eat a finger or two, this is surely the next hit of the season! Now, let's learn a little bit about our fateful hero.

Real Name: Goose Goose Goose
Nickname(s): Mr. Goose
Gender: Male
Location: Somewhere in Canada
Favorite Spot: Barnyards. And anywhere little kids are.
Favorite Treats: French fingers!
Quote: "Squak squak squak squak squak squak!"
What a truly inspirational character. His quote may have brought a tear to my eye. You don't wanna miss out!

NEXT TIME: Mr. Goose Episode 1: I only wanted a bit of food...

(Ha ha, just felt like lightening the mood! I was kind of bored and I dunno, but something possessed me to write the title when I didn't even have the idea in my head. But now, we have Mr. Goose, the attempting to eat children Canadian goose! Stay tuned to this blog to see his adventures!)

~Angie